Q. My 15 month old has been biting other children at daycare for about 3 weeks now. She also did it at home for a few days, but quickly stopped when I told her no. The staff and other parents are starting to get upset that she won't stop biting now and have suggested that I talk to my pediatrician. They say that they talk to her and tell her that it hurts to bite, put her in time out, and try to watch her, but that there are too many kids for them to only focus on her and I am afraid that they are going to kick her out of daycare. What else can I do? Nancy. A. While biting is a normal toddler behavior, with proper interventions, most kids stop biting after a few days or weeks. While it is good that the daycare staff isn't punishing her for biting and isn't doing anything silly, like biting her back, they may be doing too much. She is almost certainly too young for a lecture or even timeout and all of their interventions may actually be reinforcing her biting. Instead, you might ask them to keep it a little more simple and just: * try to intervene or distract her and say 'no bite' firmly, but calmly, if she is about to bite. This means that someone has to keep an extra close eye on her or 'shadow' her for a few days though, being careful to do it in a way so that she doesn't know that she is getting the extra attention. * say 'no' or 'no bite' firmly, but calmly, if she does bite * after she bites, it can be a good idea to move her away from the other child and ignore her for a few minutes, although this isn't really a formal timeout like you would use for an older child * remind her not to bite from time to time, including perhaps a short reminder that 'biting hurts' * provide some praise and positive attention when she isn't biting and is playing nicely * keep to a good routine all day, including meals, naps, and playtime * avoid asking a parent to pick up the child and sending her home after she bites, since that can reinforce biting It can also be helpful to know why and when he is biting. Is she overtired? Is she teething? Did another child try to take her blanket or toy? Is anything going on at home that has her out of her routine that you could fix? At home, be sure to also stick to a good routine and make sure she gets a good night's sleep. Toddlers who are overly tired or stressed are more likely to bite at daycare. Since she isn't doing it at home anymore, there isn't a lot that you can do at home though. Spending a few days with her, so that you can intervene and get her biting under control might be helpful, although she might simply start biting again when you aren't there. Or volunteer to help in another part of the daycare so one of their staff can watch your child and make sure she doesn't bite anyone for a few days. You might also consider that her persistent biting could mean that this daycare isn't a good fit for her. Maybe it is too structured or not structured enough. Are there too many kids in the room? Keep in mind that just because the daycare isn't a good fit doesn't mean it isn't a good daycare. They may be doing everything right and it just isn't working for your child for some reason. Getting Bitten One of the worst things about having a biter is the way the parents of the kids who got bit make you feel. Unless their kids also bite, they typically don't understand that biting is a normal developmental behavior, is rarely dangerous to their child, and that almost any toddler can turn into a biter. So try not to feel embarrassed or pay attention to the dirty looks you might get from the parents of the kids who got bit and just focus on helping your own child stop biting. What You Need To Know Biting is a normal behavior or phase for most younger children, which is the most important thing most parents need to know. Other important things to know about biting include that: * younger children often bite when they are teething, overtired, jealous, frustrated, mad, etc., or to simply see what happens when they bite, which is especially true of infants and younger toddlers, who may just be experimenting and exploring their world. * you should be careful not to overreact when your child bites, which can reinforce the biting because your child gets excited about the reaction it brings about. * don't do anything like bite your child back, physically punish your child, or put anything in her mouth when she bites.
Offering your kids choices is often an effective discipline technique. By having a choice, it gives your children some sense of control as you try to get them to do what you want. The key is offering only limited choices. So don't simply ask your kids what they want for lunch. Instead, ask if they would like a sandwich or a hot dog. Younger children can especially be overwhelmed when they have too many choices. But you also don't want to offer a choice when no choices exist. For example, don't ask them if they 'want' to brush their teeth now, take a bath, or get ready for school. By asking them, you are essentially offering them a choice between doing it or not. In these circumstances, it is usually better to simply say something like 'it is time to take your bath.' You can still offer some choices though, like by saying 'it is time to take your bath, what toys do you want to bring into the bath with you tonight?' When there is only one choice, you can still try to offer your child a 'choice.' For example, if your child doesn't want to wear a helmet while riding his bike, you can offer a choice of wearing the helmet or simply not riding his bike. Or if he doesn't want to sit in a car seat, you can ask if he wants to sit in his car seat or stay home all day. Having this kind of choice also helps to give your younger child a 'way out,' instead of having a tantrum or making you give in and do the wrong thing.
There are many ideas about how to rear children. Some parents adopt the ideas their own parents used. Others get advice from friends. Some read books about parenting. Others take classes offered in the community. No one has all the answers. However, psychologists and other social scientists now know what parenting practices are most effective and are more likely to lead to positive outcomes for children. Ideas about child rearing can be grouped into three styles. These are different ways of deciding who is responsible for what in a family. Authoritarian Authoritarian parents always try to be in control and exert their control on the children. These parents set strict rules to try to keep order, and they usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection. They attempt to set strict standards of conduct and are usually very critical of children for not meeting those standards. They tell children what to do, they try to make them obey and they usually do not provide children with choices or options. Authoritarian parents don't explain why they want their children to do things. If a child questions a rule or command, the parent might answer, "Because I said so." Parents tend to focus on bad behavior, rather than positive behavior, and children are scolded or punished, often harshly, for not following the rules. Children with authoritarian parents usually do not learn to think for themselves and understand why the parent is requiring certain behaviors. Permissive Permissive parents give up most control to their children. Parents make few, if any, rules, and the rules that they make are usually not consistently enforced. They don't want to be tied down to routines. They want their children to feel free. They do not set clear boundaries or expectations for their children's behavior and tend to accept in a warm and loving way, however the child behaves. Permissive parents give children as many choices as possible, even when the child is not capable of making good choices. They tend to accept a child's behavior, good or bad, and make no comment about whether it is beneficial or not. They may feel unable to change misbehavior, or they choose not to get involved. Democratic Or Authoritative Democratic parents help children learn to be responsible for themselves and to think about the consequences of their behavior. Parents do this by providing clear, reasonable expectations for their children and explanations for why they expect their children to behave in a particular manner. They monitor their children's behavior to make sure that they follow through on rules and expectations. They do this in a warm and loving manner. They often, "try to catch their children being good" and reinforcing the good behavior, rather than focusing on the bad. For example, a child who leaves her toys on a staircase may be told not to do this because, "Someone could trip on them and get hurt and the toy might be damaged." As children mature, parents involve children in making rules and doing chores: "Who will mop the kitchen floor, and who will carry out the trash?" Parents who have a democratic style give choices based on a child's ability. For a toddler, the choice may be "red shirt or striped shirt?" For an older child, the choice might be "apple, orange or banana?" Parents guide children's behavior by teaching, not punishing. "You threw your truck at Mindy. That hurt her. We're putting your truck away until you can play with it safely." Which Is Your Style? Maybe you are somewhere in between. Think about what you want your children to learn. Research on children's development shows that the most positive outcomes for children occur when parents use democratic styles. Children with permissive parents tend to be aggressive and act out, while children with authoritarian parents tend to be compliant and submissive and have low self-esteem. No parenting style will work unless you build a loving bond with your child. These tips were reproduced from the U.S. Department of Education.
There are two main reasons for parents to make rules for their children. The first is to keep children safe. The second is to help children learn self-control. Your baby needs to know that she can depend on you to set limits for safety and guidance. Use these guidelines when you set limits for your baby: * Make rules that develop the self-esteem and dignity of your baby. Don't have rules that make her feel bad about herself. For example, when she's trying to say a new word and mispronounces it, say the word correctly. Don't scold, mock, or repeat the "baby" word. * Make rules that are clear to your baby. Your baby needs to be told the rule, again and again. For example, you don't want your baby to pull your hair. If she pulls it again after you told her that it hurts, simply put her down. Say, "I can't hold you when you pull my hair. I won't let you hurt me." * Make rules that you can enforce. Avoid threats like "If you splash, I'll never let you play in water again." Instead, state clearly that you expect the water to stay in the sink while your baby pours from cup to cup. If she splashes the water, restate the rule and tell her that her water play is over for the day. * Enforce rules consistently. Your baby needs to learn that rules are important to her safety and that they don't change from day to day. For example, you have a rule that your baby always rides in a car safety seat. This rule should be the same in all cars, no matter who is driving. If you bend the rule once, she will test it again and again. * Childproof your home so it is a safe place for your baby to play and explore. You'll spend less time making and enforcing rules. These tips were reproduced from the U.S. Department
An older child who throws a temper tantrum is letting you know that he needs to learn the boundaries of what he can and cannot do. Some tantrums can be manipulative, a means to get what he wants when you tell him "no". If your child has learned the habit of tantrums to get his way, you can turn this behavior around. Here's how: 1. Anticipate the situations that trigger your child to have a tantrum. 2. Keep a positive but firm attitude when you enforce compliance in a situation in which he commonly tantrums to get his way. 3. Don't argue if he starts to escalate into a tantrum. Simply restate your expectation and say, "I know you can do this. If you throw a fit, this will be the consequence." 4. If he chooses to tantrum, step back, stay close, but don't talk to him until he stops. If he storms off, let him go. 5. After he calms down again, enforce the consequence that you stated. Follow these steps each time he tantrums. In time, you'll see in his eyes that he knows this is not going to work. Then, the behavior will start to fade away and you can both celebrate his newfound maturity.
Q. My daughter is eight and we have a problem with eating - she never wants to eat dinner even if it's something she likes. And then she will pick and an hour later say she's hungry. She never completes everything she eat, always leaving a bit, no matter what we feed her. Should she be forced to eat dinner and if she doesn't, have only the dinner to eat later? Any ideas as to why she always leaves something and never eats it fully? Lisa, Canada A. The most common reason to be in a situation like this is because she knows that she will get sometimes to eat later. While she shouldn't be forced to eat, she should learn that her main meal in the evening will be served at dinner time. Some other things that you might do to help deal with your picky eater include: * make sure that she isn't eating a big snack after school or filling up on juice, soda, or even milk before dinner. * offer her smaller portions so that there isn't as much left over on her plate. * don't offer bribes or rewards for eating. * not talking about dieting, calories, and such, especially if she or other family members have problems with being overweight. Instead, talk about eating healthy. * consider not offering her anything else to eat if she misses dinner or just offer a small, healthy snack. * don't let your concerns about her eating become a power struggle. * set a good example by eating a variety of foods. * encourage your child to get involved in planning and preparing meals A visit to your Pediatrician to monitor her growth and development and eating habits would also be a good idea.
Dr. Karen Sokal-Gutierrez, M.D., M.P.H. Pediatrics 'Mommy, Daddy—I went poopy in the potty!' Do you long to hear those precious words from your child? Some children and parents breeze effortlessly through toilet training while others experience more difficulty. When you think your child might be ready for toilet training, take a deep breath and muster up all the determination and patience you have to work on it for several months. And consider the following tips to help make toilet training easier for you and your child: Know when your child is ready Using the toilet is an important developmental step for your child. But your child's unique development and temperament will determine when she's ready and how she'll get through the process. To paraphrase a common saying, 'You can lead a child to the toilet, but you can't make him do it.' Most children show signs they are physically and emotionally ready to use the toilet between 1 ½ and 3 years of age, although some may be ready earlier and some aren't ready until later. Girls are usually ready a little earlier than boys. Your child needs to have awareness and control of his urination and bowel movements, and needs to be willing to try using the potty. Look for these signs that your child is ready: * His bowel movements are regular and predictable. * Her diapers are dry for at least two hours during the day or dry after naps. * His facial expression or posture indicates when he is ready to urinate or have a bowel movement. * She seems uncomfortable in soiled diapers and fusses or asks to be changed. * He can walk to the bathroom, help undress himself, and follow simple instructions. * She asks to use the potty, toilet, or wear 'big girl' underwear. Make sure the timing is right in other ways, too. Many parents favor toilet training in the summertime when children wear fewer clothes and it's easier to undress to use the toilet. It's also a good idea to plan toilet training when there are no other major changes in the family such as moving, the birth of a sibling, changes in childcare, a family vacation, or divorce. Help your child learn to use the toilet When you think your child is ready, cheerfully encourage this step to be a 'big boy' or 'big girl.' But don't pressure your child—let him know it's his decision and you're there to help. Ask his other caregivers (e.g., babysitters, relatives, childcare providers, and teachers) to follow the same approach. Be patient…you can expect the toilet training process to take from three-six months. Be sure your child understands what you want her to do. Let her watch you, her older siblings, or her playmates go to the bathroom. It's helpful for mothers or sisters to show little girls, and fathers or brothers to show little boys what to do. Decide what words you'll use to describe your child's body parts, urine, and stool. It's best to use the correct terms (e.g., 'penis') or common terms (e.g., 'pee' and 'poop') to help avoid confusion. Show him that urine and stool go in the toilet, and let him help flush. Avoid describing them as 'dirty' or 'bad,' so there's no shame about going to the bathroom. Go to the library or bookstore and get a children's book about toilet training to read together. Dress your child in loose pants that are easy to pull down and pull up, not overalls or shirts that snap at the crotch. Some parents find it easier to use pull-up diapers or training pants during this time. Get a comfortable potty chair or use a toilet seat adapter and step stool. Some children fear falling into the toilet, and feel more comfortable on a low potty chair with their feet on the floor. Introduce your child to the potty and allow her to sit on it with her clothes on a few times. Then encourage her to sit on the potty with her pants and diaper off. For boys, you can either start them urinating sitting on the potty or standing up. Have your child sit on the potty at the same time each day so it becomes routine. Try times when she regularly urinates or has a bowel movement, such as after breakfast and other meals, or after drinking; encourage her to try at other key times as well, such as before and after a nap, before her bath, and before bed. Try to catch her when you see signs that she needs to urinate or have a bowel movement. In all, ask her every couple of hours to sit on the potty. Make the potty visits last at least a few minutes to give your child a chance to relax and go to the bathroom. Talk encouragingly or read a potty book, and let him leave when he's ready. Don't expect him to do anything right away, and don't show disappointment when he doesn't go. But when he does, reward him with praise and hugs. Other rewards and incentives can also be helpful. Some parents use a calendar and give one sticker for sitting on the potty, another for pee, and another for poop. Some children learn to urinate in the toilet first, while others learn to have a bowel movement first. Over time, teach your child to do all the steps: walking to the bathroom, pulling down her pants and diaper, sitting on the potty or toilet, urinating and/or having a bowel movement, tearing off a little toilet paper, wiping her bottom from front to back (to prevent urinary and vaginal infections in girls), throwing the toilet paper in the toilet, pulling up her underwear and pants, flushing the toilet, and washing and drying her hands. When your child consistently goes to the bathroom in the potty or toilet, celebrate by letting him choose some big kid underwear. For many children, the chance to wear underwear is a big motivation to use the toilet. Put him in underwear during the day and take him to the bathroom frequently. You should expect that he'll have occasional accidents, though, so be prepared with extra underwear, pants, diaper wipes, and plastic bags on-hand at child care and on outings. Although you may feel disappointed or exasperated by the accidents, it's best to keep a positive attitude—over time, your child will have fewer accidents and finally be toilet trained. Try to deal with accidents in an understanding and matter-of-fact manner, and don't punish your child for them. Tell your child, 'That's okay. Next time, try to let me know when you feel you have to go so you can do it in the toilet.' For toileting difficulties, be patient and get help. While some children go from daytime toilet training to remaining dry during naps and nighttime shortly afterwards, many continue to need a diaper at night for another six months to a year or more. In fact, it's not uncommon for children to need a diaper at night until they're 6 years or older. Delayed bladder control tends to run in families, and often one or both parents had a history of bedwetting. Help your child not feel embarrassed about it, and try to prevent bedwetting by avoiding giving your child liquids in the evening and having your child urinate right before bedtime. If you're concerned about your child's bedwetting, talk to your pediatrician: it could be a sign of a urinary tract infection, diabetes, or emotional difficulties, and your pediatrician can help determine the cause and treatment.
Plan a Theme for Your Child's Birthday Party * A theme offers a focus for your child's birthday invitations, decorations, games, activities, food, and favors, and helps the party fall into place. Organize the party around your child's particular interests. Or ask what your child would like to celebrate at the birthday party, and make games and other activities related to that subject. If you need birthday party suggestions, consider the following: your child's favorite toy or doll, a special movie or television show, a sports figure or the sport itself, a current movie or movie star, a popular song or rock star, a storybook or cartoon character, a super hero or monster, a game or activity, a favorite location or outing, a popular hometown hero or local star, an interesting occupation or hobby, a special food or festival, or a holiday or event. * Special Birthday Party Tip: If your child has trouble choosing a theme for her birthday party, notice what she is currently playing with or enjoying. Then surprise your child with a birthday party centered on that special character, game, interest, or activity. Plan the Birthday Party with Your Child * Let your child help with the birthday party games and other plans to keep him or her busy during the days or weeks before the special event. That way your child will be actively involved in the creation of the birthday party, from the guest list to the games, which is almost as fun as the party itself. Have your child help make the invitations, decorate the party room, plan the games, organize the activities, prepare the fun foods, and create or choose the favors that go home with the birthday party guests. Engaging your child in the birthday party planning makes the birthday celebration last longer and helps him or her manage the excitement and anticipation. * Special Birthday Party Tip: You and your child can make the week prior to the party a celebration in itself by completing one special party-related activity each day until the big event. Plan the Time and Keep it Short * A well-planned child's birthday party begins and ends at specific times and doesn't run too long or too short. Two hours in the morning or afternoon is best, depending on your child's energy level for games and excitement, so think about whether your child does better in the morning or afternoon, and plan the birthday party accordingly. Hosting a child's birthday party for a two-hour period allows time for welcoming the children, playing a number of games and activities, opening presents, sharing refreshments and cake, and saying farewells. * Special Tip: Remind the parents of the exact time your child's party ends. Your birthday party guests usually will have had enough fun and games for one day. Also, your child will need some peace and quiet after all the games, and time to enjoy the gifts and memories of the birthday party. Plan the Birthday Party Guest List * Have your child plan the birthday party guest list with you and encourage limiting invitations to good friends only. That way you can manage the party size. If you prefer a large group at the birthday celebration, ask a few of the parents to help out during your child's party to keep things under control. Also decide whether relatives will be invited, if adults will be included or just children, and especially how to involve siblings in the birthday party preparations. * Special Birthday Party Tip: If parents can't help out, plan to hire baby-sitters or neighborhood teenagers to assist you during the party. The more hands you have to help out during games and other activities at your child's birthday party, the easier your party will be. Plan Your Child's Birthday Party Decorations to Suit the Theme * First decide where you'll be hosting the birthday party?indoors or out. Let the weather be your guide, making sure to plan for children's party games that you can adapt your activities to indoor or outdoor play at the last minute. Be sure you have enough room for your birthday party guests to play games, and that no valuable breakables are in the area. Decorate the party room or yard to suit the theme. Create a backdrop that sets the mood of your child's birthday party by using poster board, construction paper, crepe paper, balloons, special lighting, and appropriate music. Give the birthday child a crown, a cape, a make-over, a new outfit, a certificate of achievement, a distinctive place setting, or a special toy or prop. * Special Tip: Let the birthday child help out with creating the birthday party decorations. It helps to keep the child busy and involved in the upcoming celebration. Create lots of do-it-yourself birthday decorations rather than use store-bought ones to make the party more personal. Close areas of the house or yard that are off limits to children, and remove anything in the party area that is dangerous, breakable, or valuable. Also remove any of your child's toys that he or she does not want to share with the birthday party guests. Plan Your Child's Birthday Party Games and Activities * Planning a perfect child's birthday party means being prepared with both quiet activities and vigorous games for your guests. Mixing up the types of games you offer allows them to warm up slowly, release pent-up energy, then cool down at the end of the birthday party. If they don't know each other well, start out with a gentle introductory game. Play a few active games?preferably outside?after the children have relaxed and become comfortable. Then settle down with a quiet game or activity in preparation for your child's birthday cake and ice cream, and opening of the gifts. * Special Tip: You can never plan too many games or activities at a child's birthday party, but you can have too few games?and that can be disastrous. Be sure you plan more games and activities than you think you need, in case the kids run through the games quickly, or the party goes overtime. Birthday celebrations often turn to chaos when there's not enough games to keep energetic partygoers busy. Keep a collection of your child's art materials or boxed games nearby to bring out when there's nothing left to do. Plan Your Child's Birthday Party Goodies * Birthday cake and ice cream are usually the highlight of a child's party, but you may want to limit sweets and plan to provide some healthy snacks or meals so partygoers won't overload on junk food. Have handy treats around your child's friends, but make them low in sugar and high in nutrition, such as cheese and crackers, pieces of fruit, nuts, raisins, or cut-up veggies. If you prefer to serve a more nutritious birthday cake than the usual variety, try angel food or carrot cake topped with fruit, jam or softened frozen yogurt for your child's party. Plan Prizes for Both Winners and Losers of Party Games * Losing a game can take away the fun for some of the guests at your child's birthday party, so don't overemphasize winning, especially with younger kids. Losing games often leads to disappointment, frustration, and tears. If older children appreciate competition, offer a few games that allow them to challenge one another, with group winners instead of individual game winners. And plan to offer enough games to give every child a chance to win. * Special Game-Planning Tip: Every time a child someone loses a game, offer a funny prize, such as a rubber snake or a silly hat. that way, your child's guest doesn't feel bad about losing a game, and still feels like a winner. Plan for Surprises * Anything can happen at a child's birthday party, so keep the cameras handy, both video and still, and record the fun to play back at the end of the party or after the children have gone home. If the party games or activities don't go according to plan, just go with the flow. Sometimes the spontaneous happenings are are the ones you don't plan for! * Special Tip: If possible, take Polaroid snapshots of each birthday party guest playing games. Hand out to each child at the end of the celebration so they have a memento of the fun and games. Plan for Problems * Stuff happens, especially at birthday parties. If you expect things to go wrong now and then, you won't be surprised when they do. Keep your sense of humor and try to adjust to the unexpected. If the kids don't enjoy a game, or refuse a food, or won't participate in the party fun, be creative and make some suitable changes that please everyone. If siblings have trouble with the birthday festivities, involve them in the party planning so they can feel a part of the fun. Have them invite a friend to the birthday party to play with, and even let them join in on the games if they're age-appropritate. Or, give them something special to do at the party to help out and make them feel important, like organizing games. And give them a thank-you gift before or after the birthday party to let them know you appreciate their help. * Special Tip: Watch for the child who doesn't seem to fit in while others play games and activities. Extra attention and special guidance during games can help him or her enjoy the party, too. Plan for Fun * Remember the purpose of all this planning is a happy birthday party for your child! Sometimes the guest of honor becomes overwhelmed with all the attention received on this special occasion. Give your child time to relax, and relieve the stress of all the excitement by planning a few quiet games, activities or distractions before and after the birthday party. Understand and acknowledge your child's moods and feelings, and help your child find positive ways to enjoy the games, food and fun of this very exciting day. Sometimes the pressure and attention can get to be too much, so give your child a break in the middle of the birthday party excitement, if necessary, by having him or her help serve the food, set up a game, or plan a special task. * Special Tip: Be sure your child has a proper meal and a rest or quiet time before the birthday party begins. Encourage your child to talk about all the feelings that are bubbling up. Plan for Yourself! * Since you're planning everything from the birthday cake to the games, treat yourself to a bath, a quiet moment, or a special activity before or after the birthday party to help you enjoy the festivities. Then pat yourself on the back for a well-planned, creative, and one-of-a-kind birthday party that your child will remember for years to come. * Special Tip: If you plan everything ahead of time, the party will surely be a piece of cake!
Dr. Kenneth N. Condrell, Ph.D. Child Psychologist A child’s life consists of family, school and friends. For a child to be happy, certain conditions must be present in each area of his life. This article highlights these conditions so you will know how to help your child stay happy and fulfilled. FAMILY: Every child needs a family with at least one adult who will be that child’s mentor, advocate and cheerleader. When children feel desired and important within their family, they have the emotional foundation necessary to lead a meaningful, successful life. Children feel happy in their family when: * They’re hugged, kissed, held, snuggled and told, “I love you.” * They learn to do things they couldn’t do before. Nothing makes a child feel more grown-up than learning new skills and becoming more competent and independent with the help of a loving adult. * Their feelings are not hurt unnecessarily by their parents’ choice of words. Instead of hearing, “You’re a slob” they should hear, “Your room is a mess and needs to be cleaned.” Instead of “You’re lazy,” tell them, “You haven’t done your chores yet.” Parents are teachers, and good teachers don’t use sarcasm, insults or name-calling. * Everyone makes time for fun. Sledding, bowling, flying kites and camping are just a few activities children love to do with their family. * They can enjoy close relationships with grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces and godparents. * They see their parents showing affection to each other. SCHOOL: After the age of 5, children spend more waking hours in school than they do at home. So for a child to be happy, school must be a positive experience. Children are happy in school when: * Other children like them. * The’re learning, passing tests and getting good grades. * Their parents take an interest in their schooling, visit their classroom, know their teacher and attend school events. * The self-discipline they learned at home helps them succeed in school. Self-disciplined children can make themselves work and follow rules even when they don’t feel like it. FRIENDS: Family and school are important, but a child without friends will not grow. Friendships are crucial if children are to develop confidence, emotional maturity and a connectedness to others. Children are happy with their friendships when: * They can have friends visit their house to play and when they’re invited to their friends’ houses to play. * They know they’re desired as playmates. * They have interests and skills that other children find interesting. * They have the social confidence to follow rules while playing games. * They have a best friend. Best friends offer children a special kind of companionship where trust and support are honored. To find out whether your child’s world is making him unhappy, periodically ask yourself how he’s doing in school, at home and with his friends. Your answer will determine if you have to intervene on your child’s behalf to ensure his progress and well-being.
Dr. Kenneth N. Condrell, Ph.D. Child Psychologist Preschool is a milestone in a child’s life. For many families, it’s the first time a child leaves his parents for an extended period. For that reason, many parents are filled with mixed emotions about it. Consider, for example, a few of the responses I have heard from parents anticipating the big day: “She’s not going to make it. She won’t let me out of her sight.” “I can’t wait to send him to nursery school. He’s driving me crazy!” “I‚’m feeling depressed just thinking about my last one going off to preschool.” “My son just can’t wait to go, and I’m so excited for him.” Some parents feel like they’re doing their children a favor by sending them to nursery school, while other feel like they’re abandoning them. Still others fear that their kids aren’t up to leaving home to, in essence, live with other people for part of the day. Probably the biggest developmental task children face is separating from their parents and standing on their own two feet. This is an ongoing challenge that takes up a good portion of an individual’s life. Over the years I have talked to many adults still struggling to separate from their parents. Some live across the street from their parents, or in the same house. Of course, these living arrangements don’t always signal separation issues. But they’re often signs that dependency on parents persists even in adulthood. Preschool is one step in that long parade toward independence. And when it comes to their children making such a step, parents need to realize that separation can be a two-way street. If mom or dad is not ready to separate, the child may well pick up on this reluctance and resist the whole idea of nursery school. On the other hand, mom and dad may be ready to separate, but the child, for any number of reasons, may decide he wants to stay home. Of course, there are also situations where both parent and would-be preschooler are hesitant about separating. In these situations, it’s likely that nursery school will be postponed or skipped altogether. Should parents pass on preschool? I don’t think so. Some people look upon preschool as an option, or a luxury. Others think it’s unfair to send children to nursery school when they have so many years of schooling ahead of them. I have come to look upon it as a special favor parents can do for their children. A good preschool offers children many valuable experiences. It helps kids become independent. It feeds their amazing curiosity and appetite for learning. Even the best home can’t always provide the tremendous stimulation young minds need. Nursery schools also offer children a great opportunity to practice interacting with other people. The essence of life is getting along with others; you can’t develop those skills without “mixing it up” with different personalities. Last but not least, a nursery school prepares a child for kindergarten. The current kindergarten curriculum is so much more advanced than it was in previous generations that, in my opinion, the child who misses preschool enters kindergarten at a disadvantage. For these reasons, I strongly believe in preschool. Parents do their children a valuable service when they find them a quality, affordable nursery school and then encourage them to go forth. On the long path toward independence, preschool is one important steppingstone.
A wise man once said, "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." For most parents, those words ring true when it comes to parenting toddlers and preschoolers. Playing is a great tool for teaching children positive behavior and social skills. Playing with your child is an excellent way to identify his or her needs and abilities, while helping you strengthen the parent-child bond. For instance, to teach your child to follow instructions without delay, play a game of Simon Says. You might try this: "Simon says touch your nose…Simon says pick up your red toy…Simon says put your toy in the toy box." When you finish, praise your child for listening and following instructions: "Great job of listening and doing what I asked right away!" This reinforces the behavior and makes your job easier the next time you have to tell him to stop pulling the dog's tail! Play is also a time for building self-esteem. You can do this simply by allowing yourself to follow your child's lead. Don't criticize. Don't correct. Your child is the play expert. Just be there and participate. Did you know? Toddlers view fellow toddlers as objects - objects that move and make noise, but objects nonetheless.
Q. I ask my son a thousand times to do something, and he still never gets it done. What's the problem? A. Sometimes our instructions to kids are not very clear. It's possible he doesn't think you're being serious. Try to be very specific about the behavior you expect. If you ask him to do something, but he ignores you, describe what he's doing. For example, you might say, "You're playing with your toy instead of looking at me. Please put the toy down, look at me and listen." When you have his attention, ask him again and be specific. Q. Can my 4-year-old really understand everything I say? A. Young children are capable of understanding many concepts. However, they understand simple, concrete words and phrases best. That's important to remember when you want to correct a bad behavior or encourage a good one. Use words to describe the action or behavior you want, and show your child what you mean. Understanding will come from the child frequently using the behavior and seeing its results. Q. I have five children. Should I talk to them all together or separately when I'm trying to correct their behavior? A. It really depends on how comfortable you feel talking to them in a group and how well they listen to you when they are together. If things get too hectic when they're all together, talk to them one-on-one. Q. My son is easily distracted and can hardly sit still for any instructions. What should I do? A. Before you start talking, eliminate any distractions such as toys or TV. Kneel down to his eye level, and use words he will understand. Because he has difficulty sitting still, keep whatever you say simple and brief. Q. My son doesn't take anything I say seriously. What should I do? A. Let your son know when you are serious and when you are joking. Young children don't always know the difference. When you are serious, mean what you say and say what you mean. Young children respond to actions more than words. Make sure you follow through on what you tell him. Your vocal tone, facial expressions and body language should reinforce the words you say. Q. When is it okay to let my toddler make his own choices? A. Choices are the decisions you allow your child to make that will help him become more responsible and independent. One example is letting your toddler choose which outfit to wear. It's best if you give your child a choice between two options. Too many choices can cause confusion and create power struggles, especially if you're trying to get your child to follow a routine.
Q:My bright 5-year-old son has ADHD and is on medication. When he gets home from school he often has homework, and the medication has worn off by then. I need help with ways to get him to concentrate on his homework. — Submitted by Geri in Mountain Home, AR Dr. Karen Sokal-Gutierrez, M.D., M.P.H. Pediatrics A:Geri, dealing with homework is a common concern for parents of children with ADHD. As you know, ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is common in young children, especially boys. Children with ADHD can be very active, and have difficulty controlling their behavior and paying attention at home and school. To help children with ADHD, collaboration among parents, doctors and the school is crucial. Here are some tips: 1. Family support Everyone needs to try to be understanding and patient. It can be helpful to set up structure in household routines to help your child know what to expect and to help prevent misbehavior. Children with ADHD benefit from having a consistent daily schedule for waking up, eating, going to school, doing homework, getting physical activity and going to sleep. They also benefit from having positive, supportive relationships with parents, other family members, teachers, coaches and friends. It’s also good for them to have opportunities to pursue interests that they can be proud of, such as sports, drama, music or art. In addition, behavior therapy, where parents provide rewards for desired behavior and consequences for misbehavior, can be helpful. 2. Educational help It’s important that you work closely with your son’s teacher. The teacher may have had experience with other children with ADHD and have suggestions to help your son with his homework. Some teachers recommend that the child keep a notebook where the teacher or child writes down assignments, and the teacher can send daily or weekly reports for parents to review. Many families find it helpful to designate a homework space at home (a desk or table) that is uncluttered and without distractions (no music or TV). Rather than do an hour straight of homework, it can be helpful to divide the homework into smaller sessions and take short breaks in between. Some parents prefer to have the child complete the homework as soon he gets home from school, but others prefer to give the child a break first with a snack, physical activity, game or music. Remember to encourage your child to do his homework, but you don’t need to make sure it’s perfect. If he is having difficulty understanding something, his teacher needs to know so she can work with him on it. Although you have noticed that your son is very bright, some children with ADHD also have learning disabilities. Sometimes they can be subtle, such as visual- or auditory-processing problems, which make learning more difficult. The earlier you determine whether your child has learning disabilities, and the earlier he gets the help he may need, the better. You can request that your public school district evaluate him. Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), all children are entitled to a free, comprehensive evaluation through the public school district. If the evaluation identifies any learning disabilities, your son would be entitled to an Individualized Education Program (IEP) through the schools special education department, with the learning assistance that he may need, such as daily sessions with a learning specialist. If your son is not found to have any learning disabilities that qualify him for an IEP, he could still be eligible for accommodations in school through a 504 Plan (named after Section 504 of the federal Rehabilitation Act) for children with other health impairments, such as ADHD, that cause an educational disability. School accommodations might include seating your child closer to the teacher and the blackboard, providing him more assistance during instructions and transitions and making time during school to help him with homework. 3.Medications We don’t yet understand all the causes, but many children with ADHD have differences in the chemicals that send messages in their brains. Certain stimulant medications (e.g., methylphenidate and dextroamphetamine) can help them focus their attention and control their behavior better. The medications come in different doses and higher doses can have a greater effect. The medications also come in different formulations called short, intermediate and long-acting or extended-release. The longer-acting formulations have an effect for a greater number of hours during the day. Short-acting formulations are usually taken two to three times a day, intermediate forms one to two times a day and long-acting forms once in the morning. Work with your doctor to determine the best medication, dose and formulation to help your son through the school day and afternoon homework time. The doctor might recommend a longer-acting or extended-release formulation, or a short- or intermediate-acting formulation to be given in the morning and another dose at lunchtime or after school. Since the medications can also have side affects such as decreased appetite, jitteriness and sleep problems, it’s important to work closely with the doctor to adjust the medication and dose to maximize the positive effects and minimize negative effects. For more information on ADHD, visit Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) at www.chadd.org.
Birth to Four Months: Looking at faces to develop vision and attachment: *Baby Faces by M. Miller *Wow! Babies! by P. Gentieu Padded Board Books: Baby Faces Nursery Rhymes: *Tomie's Little Mother Goose by T. dePaola Appley Dapply's Nursery Rhymes by B. Potter My Very First Mother Goose by I.A. Opie & RWells Four Months: Animal Sounds-focus on listening/hearing: *Who Says Quack? by J. Smith & P. Dunlap Grosset Big Red Barn by M. Wise Brown Animal-Shaped Board Books: Farm Animals by B. Watts & D. Brown Seven Months: Small chunky book with brightly colored pictures: *Farm Animals by P. Dunn Touch and Feel Baby Animals -DK Books *Baby! Talk! by P. Gentieu Eight Months: Labeling baby's facial features: *Smile! by R. Grobel Intrater Baby Faces by K. Suter *Peek-a-boo by J.Ormerod Ten Months: Learning to feed self. Activity is to have baby unwrap a book: *Pots and Pans by P.Hubbell *Wrapping Paper Romp by P. Hubbell Let's Eat by A. Posner & T. Taylor Twelve Months: Lift-the-flap, interactive book: *Where's the Baby? By C. Christian & L. Dwight *Where's Spot? by E. Hill Open the Barn Door by C. Santoro | 
